Update: Scars

When I was a child, I remember running and playing at my grandpa’s house with my cousin. We were having a great time…..till I fell and gashed my knee open on some bricks. I remember that it hurt pretty bad and ended leaving a decent little scar on my knee. Over the years, it has faded much, but is still visible if you look for it.

Isn’t this the way it works in other areas of life? We are having the time of our life and out of nowhere we get injured.

This post is prompted due to many of you I have talked to lately wondering how I am doing, and me asking how many of you are….you know who you are. We were having a ball, and life threw us a curve in the road. We were hurt….different ones of us in different ways….leaving scars on our hearts and our minds.

Here is where I am….just like my knee is healed but still has a scar, that’s how I feel also. I am healed, but there are remnants of the past, and I may never be quite the same, but that’s ok. I may have a different perspective or outlook on some issues than I did before because we are all shaped from our past experiences. When I talk about the memory, it might still sound painful, but it was….that does not mean I am ‘still playing injured’ today. I am not bitter or resentful. I am supportive and there is no love lost. I have healed, and am ready to be back in the game.

For those of you who have been in the same place, regardless of what that might have been, I hope you can do the same. Give yourself time to heal, accept what happened, and move on. Let that scar only serve as a reminder of the good and happy times from that circumstance.

We can always play it safe and never get hurt, or, we can live life to the fullest accepting there are always risks. I choose to live fully.

How are you living today? Is there something in your past that needs to heal so you can get up and play again?

Great Podcasts from Food for the Hungry’s Summit

A few weeks ago I had the great opportunity of attending Food for the Hungry’s Annual Summit. It was such a wonderful experience for me to get to spend two days with FH Staff from all over the world, hear their stories, and worship with people of many nationalities. I left so inspired and left with many conformations in my own mind of what I am called to.

But this blog post is not about me, it’s about you. How often do you think about others around the world? Is there anything you can do to help global poverty? What does that look like for you?

These are heavy questions, but one each of us should explore. Please click HERE  and take some time to access many of the sessions from Food for the Hungry’s Summit and hear from those working around the world with FH. There are many different topics to choose from. Listen, let them sink in, then pray and ask God to reveal what it is He wants you to do next.

Now What?? Oh yeah, God is in Control!

So just a few hours ago I received a text from the mom I full time baby sit for that due to some financial issues at her job, her kids will now stay with her family and this will be my last week.

Wow. Really? Now what? How will I pay all my bills?….all things that ran through my mind…. But I have to remember that God led me to make all the decisions I’ve made in the past months…to part ways with LC.tv to stay on at LifeChurch East Valley for the transition, to step down from staff at LifeChurch East Valley and take the babysitting position for a while to rest and reconnect with my family…. So I’m sure this turn of events is no surprise to God.

And, neither is what my next step will be…no matter if I can see it yet or not. The next days I will be spending in much prayer and seeking God’s wisdom….there is much transition in my life right now and I don’t want to settle for something ‘good’ to do…I want God’s ‘best’ and go where he wants me to.

If you think of it in the next days, please pray for us for financial provision, that we will be sensitive to any direction that God gives, and when he does, we will hear and have the courage to move in whatever direction that may be.

As you pray for us, if there is anything we can pray for you for, feel free to comment on this blog or email me.

Embracing….the moments

Since moving to AZ, much has changed about my life. But the biggest, most important changes are with my kids. When we arrived, we had a 2 year old and a 3 month old….now they are both starting homeschool soon, dressing themselves, forming opinions….and losing teeth! It may seem like a small thing in life, but in the world of a 5 year old, it’s a HUGE deal!

Tonight, as Ethan was eating an apple, he couldn’t figure out why his tooth hurt…and that’s when we discovered what was going on. He was very concerned by this so we had to talk about how this will all work. (I think he’ll be ok now)

This is quite strange to me. Where did the time go? I blinked and he’s losing teeth…I’ll blink again and he’ll be a teenager.

How do I take it all in? How do I remember all these small moments….thier reactions, their stories….  I don’t want to forget all these moments.

It’s so important to be ‘in the moment’ when we are around our kids….they grow up so quickly and they  need us to be there cheering them on, loving them, helping them mature into their dreams and become the people God wants them to be.

Parents- we only have one shot at this….let’s take the time and embrace every little moment we get.

The Only Reasonable Response

There are a few defining characteristics I want myself and my kids to possess. One of them is to have a greater understanding of the world and appreciation of others culture. Now, I’m not talking tolerance here…I’m talking about appreciating and being intrigued by the beauty of the uniqueness of people around the world that God created and loves. This takes work, this takes teaching, this takes seeing people through God’s eyes. This is so important to me and I want to do what I can to make sure my kids grow up not thinking anything negative of the differences in anyone, and with the excitement of learning. And, I want them to love others-to really love them…so that whenever they hear of a real issue or real need, thier only reasonable response is to act….to do whatever they can to make a difference.

One way we live this out in our family is by sponsoring kids around the world, and I would like you to meet them:

       

Celena from Bolivia         Faris from Ethiopia          Sreymom from Cambodia     

(and soon: “girl” from Haiti)

They are all a part of our family- our kids talk about them, we pray for them, we write them letters.

 Anyone can do this…it does not cost much at all (just sacrifice a few sodas, eating out once, downsize your cable plan, or whatever excess there is in your life) and the benefit is huge.  I would absolutely encourage you to sponsor a child and here is more about why:

1. Long term investment = change. When a reputable organization is working within the needs/skill set of a community, it takes time to create a self sustaining environment. Investing over time helps the people work towards the vision they have and make real change happen. There are enough resources in the world that poverty issues can be resolved.  Wouldn’t you like to do your part for the solution?

2. Living beyond yourself. It is so easy to get caught up in everyday life that we literally never stop to think about the child in another country who will cry their self to sleep tonight because they are thirsty and the parent who is agonizing over that. If you have children, what better way to show them that God loves others the same as you and so we should be generous and give what we have and show love to others. If we all lived that way, there would be none in need in our world.

3. Have a better appreciation of the world. Its easy to hear the stories of people, but not really connect because we do not know them or have any kind of investment in their country. When you sponsor a child, you think about that country and that child. You wonder what is going on. You get curious and start learning about it. If you have children, what a great way for them to learn but have their very own pen pal in another country! My kids were so intrigued that they received a drawing from one of our sponsor kids homes and it was on stilts….it provoked lots of great questions.

4. The emotional/spiritual aspect. We are called to love one another. When you sponsor a child, you are not only helping financially, you are helping them emotionally…as well as yourself. You have the opportunity to lift them up with encouraging words and let them know someone far away from them still thinks they are important, because God does too. Pray for them, and for the needs of their area. We should never overlook the fact that there are spiritual battles to be fought.

I really hope that you will take action on this. Sponsor a child-put their picture up in a prominent place in your house where you will think about, pray for and talk about your sponsor child.

There are many great organizations to sponsor through but my favorite, and who I sponsor through, is Food for the Hungry (http://www.fh.org/sponsor). They have financial integrity and are focused on long term solutions in very poor parts of the world.

If you sponsor a child, or plan to, I’d love to hear about it in the comments section.

Realization: Part 3

The last idea that I will be blogging on in this series is emotion. Now, I’m a good balance between a “T” and an “F” (for those of you who are familiar with personality types) and I’ve always thought that there is not a lot of use for emotions….that they get in the way of making decisions and cloud judgment. For those of you who know me well, I’ve told you that if you ever see me crying, you should be worried because something is really wrong.  (on a side note for those of you who are geared the same way, don’t watch Steel Magnolias while pregnant…you will feel like a complete fool as you are bawling the whole way though!)

There are a couple things that really do tend to get to me though and they all fall in the lines of others truly suffering….kids starving in third world countries, Haiti girls being sold into trafficking, etc. I’m talking issues that I don’t see why they exist because the only reasonable reaction should be to respond and help make a difference.

But rarely do I look at my own life through an overly emotional lens. When confronted with an issue, I tend to analyze it. When something really good happens, I’m happy about it…but even then I don’t cry.

So last night was different though…I visited a church with my friends and the message was solely about our relationship with God…from the very beginning, to living that out, to death. Powerful words of truth. At the end there were baptisms and each person had their story told. How amazing to see all the different journeys they had to lead them to that moment. As I watched each person get baptized, I couldn’t help but be truly excited for these people, and even be a bit overwhelmed by them…especially the last girl who afterwards was just embraced by her adoptive parents. I could not hold back the tears. Not then, not through worship. I was simply in awe of how much God loves us and there is nothing we can do to change that.  

Its maybe even a bit embarrassing to admit, but I realized it has been a while since I have felt so overwhelmed by God that I was brought to tears. Too long since I have dwelt that long on what that truly means for me….it doesn’t matter what my next job is, where I live, the exact calendar of my kids homeschooling, where I travel…nothing I do will prove me of anymore worth in God’s eyes than what I already am. He loves me in unconditionally. I am the object of His affection. That is what should define who I am.

None of us need the approval of the world. When we are saved our worth is already determined. We are each so important that God wants a personal relationship with each one of us.

Its so much to wrap my head around but I really want to stay in this thought process  emotional state of being in love with my Savior ….the only emotion worth carrying around.

I only share this personal moment with you to encourage you to lay down whatever is on your mind….the schedules, stressors, decisions….and take a few moments to only think on your relationship with God, how much he loves you, and think of a few ways to not forget that and let that thought/feeling slide behind anything else in your life.

Realization: Part 2

As I have mentioned in previous posts, December marked 21 years since I made the decision to be a follower of Christ. Each year I honestly pray that I will trust God more and seek to be within His will for my life. Over time, there are many things I have turned over and trusted God with but it seems that I have found a place in my life that I flounder on a bit.

The second thing I have realized about myself is that while I trust God to bring me through tough situations, I don’t always seek and fully trust Him in the good.

Basically, I take my problems to God and trust Him to walk with me though them, but when things are good, I tend to take back control of my life and push ahead instead of trusting God to show me the BEST way.

I have thought about this a lot and I do believe that this is a trust issue. By taking the wheel instead of resting in God and moving in His time, I am essentially saying I know better than God (obviously not true).

To further complicate this in my mind, I wonder if sometimes God lays out several options for us and says “you choose and I will work in whichever you decide.” Or does He always have a “best plan” that we may or may not recognize?  

Whichever it is, I need to learn to always be still to listen and TRUST that God WILL speak in every situation to provide clarity and comfort in the decision…even in the good times.

I challenge you to reflect on this topic to discover an area of your life you are not fully trusting God in. Then, take it to God and give it to Him today.

Realization: Part 1

In the past few weeks, I have had significantly more time to think and reflect. Out of that, I have come to several different conclusions in which I will be blogging on in the coming weeks in a couple different series.

Here’s where I will start though and this series is thanks to a couple different people who have asked me the simple but enormous questions of “what do you imagine you will do now” and “what do you dream of.” To these questions, I have had to admit that outside of the job I was doing, I have not dreamed much in the last few years. I was too busy having my head in the trenches of other obstacles (to which was the right thing to do). But now I am at huge crossroads for several areas in my life and I can only imagine where all I could be headed now and I believe that we are all most effective if we are operating within our strengths and let ourselves be who God created us to be.

The first idea that I have really concluded about myself and the way God has wired me is this: I am excited by work environments/concepts/ideas that are in the early stages of development.

Here are a couple reasons why:

1. Being in on the ground level of a project/idea appeals to my creative nature. I enjoy the process of dreaming of what could be and how figuring out a way to get there.  
2. It allows for the individuals involved to take all the knowledge and experiences from themselves and  others, pick what they deem to be the “best information,”  and alter it for their own purposes to propel forward.
3. There are fewer boundaries/restrictions and allows greater room for an idea to morph into its best form along the way.
4. There has not been enough time for bureaucratic log jams to get in the way of what needs to be accomplished.
5. Because I lack traits of those with more passive personalities, I tend to look for challenges…new things to learn, places to travel, things to discover, ways to change the world.

So does this mean I will never again support/work for a well established company? Of course not (especially if the company is working toward a greater cause and is flexible enough to adjust to the issues at hand)!  If there is a cause I believe in I will jump on board no matter what and find my place in that. Also, well established companies have their own benefits as well, and often fewer risks.

What this does mean is that I feel I have discovered something about myself that I probably already knew (by looking at things that tend to interest me), but had not yet solidified the thought, and moving forward will likely be a filter by which I make decisions.

Life in Limbo

Limbo is a 4 letter word to me (yeah, I know its 5). But it’s a word I don’t like to hear…much less live out and that’s all I’m feeling right now….which isn’t good for someone with my personality type. Don’t get me wrong….I am highly flexible…but I NEED a direction. If it doesn’t work, I’ll stop and recalculate, but I need to feel like there is something I am working towards. Right now I feel like I’m running circles and my days are slipping. There are so many variables….what does my future employment/ministry look like, where am I supposed to be, when should we start homeschooling our kids, what mission trip am I supposed to be going on….. and the list goes on.

This isn’t a comfortable place for me. I don’t know where I am going.

But, through all this I have to remember that GOD IS IN CONTROL and HE knows where I am headed. This brings a whole new meaning for me about the  verse that He will be a “light unto my path.” The lamps they used at that time did not provide a lot of light….only a step maybe two. And that is all I feel I have gotten through this transition time for me….one step at a time….but I take it and look for the next. 

But my heart is heavy…almost like there is something that God is trying to reveal to me but I’ve just not figured it out (or maybe I’m not supposed to yet)….or maybe I need to listen closer. I just don’t know.

So here’s my encouragement to anyone in the same boat…try to find some sense of accomplishment in each day (no matter how small) and try to make sure you have done one thing to make someone elses day better (someone you know or total stranger). To let our days slip from us would not be honoring to God.

Happy National Human Trafficking Awareness Day

Today is a very important day (real happy, huh?). Today is the day that everyone needs to know a new kind of slavery exists in the world….in every country, in every socio-economic status, in near every city.

Human Trafficking. What comes to mind when you hear these words? For me, I think of one of the darkest kind of evil in the world. This didn’t become a reality because we are all consumed into our comfortable little worlds and just aren’t intentionally living generously enough to help others. This is the kind of evil in which adults are intentionally buying/selling/preying on children as young as 5 for sex. This is shallow, greedy and controlling. This is unacceptable. This is wrong. This must be stopped.

Our kids need to know how to avoid this. Parents need to talk with their kids. Laws need to be changed. Punishments need to be in place. Girls need to be rescued and have a SAFE place to return to and recover from what has happened to them.

Today, please take a few minutes to educate yourself on this horrible injustice that is happening in your own back yard and then retweet this blog, email, join the facebook cause or whatever you need to do to spread the word.

BrandedPHX (Sign thier petition)

Not For Sale

A21 Campaign

40 Ideas for Action

Comment below to share your thoughts and ideas of how to spread the message.

“We’d better get on with it.”

A few nights ago, while reading the scripture of the day for my reading plan, I ran across this passage:

Heb 1: 1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. NIV

That’s as far as I could get….I just got this great mental picture of this…. Here I stand not knowing exactly what the next year holds for me…only I can’t move that fast because I have baggage to carry so I just throw it down and start running as hard as I can, not knowing exactly where my path is taking me, but that’s ok.

Then I read this version of the same passage…..

1-3Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we’d better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls! Message

That last statement is right….that does shoot some adrenaline in me just to think about getting rid of any kind of baggage in my life…. hurt, bitterness, fears….or even the tangible…. the “stuff” that would keep me from picking up and going where ever God says go, not looking back and fighting with all I have for what God calls me to.

Each version speaks to me in a little different way, but the overall thought is the same…I feel like God is lighting some kind of new fire in me and in this next year, I have to let go and give everything I have wherever God turns me….I have to live this scripture.

Love, Hurt & God

In the recent months, I’ve had a bit of a strange experience. It seems as if someone has hijacked my Bible and inserted the word “love” into the text a few hundred more times. I have to admit, they have done a great job at putting the words in the most perfect places too. 😉

But in all seriousness, it really does seem that way. I really enjoy when I read over a scripture that I have read many times before, and all of a sudden the words jump off the page and I see something different than I have before.  I believe that God has been trying to show me all the examples and ways to show others love and convict me to keep stepping outside my box and comfort zone to extend love, even when it is not deserved. What I keep thinking are these simple truths: God’s love is far more unconditional and real than I can fathom, to love and be loved is one of the most important parts of our relationship with God/others and Jesus spent much time trying to teach us how to love one another, and we are responsible to show everyone we come in contact with love (no matter what). We believers should be extending love to one another and setting the example for the world on what it looks like to care for all those around us. We should be noticeably different.  The Bible even goes as far as to say without love, we are nothing….how contradictory to the world around us.

Now I realize that for some reading this, it may all sound absurd. You have been hurt or rejected by the “church.” Here is what I have to say if this is you…. The church is only “people” and we are all broken and just trying our best. We are still striving to love the way that Jesus taught that we should. Only God can fill whatever void is in your life and He will never let you down. For those of you have been hurt, don’t let this skew your view of God….He loves you and I more than we can fathom.  And after all, love keeps no records of wrongs.

I challenge you all that in the new year you would do some research over the word “love” in the Bible and learn how to accept God’s amazing love for you. When you consider how much he loves you, and know he loves each individual that much, the world will look much different. You will relate to people differently….hurt with them, laugh with them, and more easily be able to pass along some of the love that God first gave you.

Year 21

Most people set goals and evaluate their lives in January. I do in December. Why? because that is the month in which I said ‘yes’ to following God and living my life for him. This December makes 21 years since I made that decision. What is interesting is that leading into year 21, I have found myself struggling with a few things…nothing ‘bad’ or ’embarrasing’ but the kind of things that will creep up without much warning. Just a little background….I am the type who is always on the go…looking for something to get into…want to travel the world and conquer everything in my path. But slowly, something else has happened: I have felt myself getting comfortable and falling into the idea of ‘having a comfortable life.’ For instance, I have a stable job, I’ve lived in the same house for 3 years and the thought of moving has started to become a burden, wanting to make sure my kids have a ‘cool room’…just things like that. The things that dont matter. Things that if I accept them, can keep me from where God wants me.

So, for many reasons, God has changed my path…shaken things up for me. After this month, I will no longer be a pastor at LifeChurch. I have felt like God is saying “you have done all you could do at LifeChurch.tv for 3 years and now you are done.” I have accepted a job of nanny for the time being and will be taking time to reflect, refresh, and spend some extra time with my kids. I dont feel this is a long term thing, but something God has led me to do. I think this will be a good time for me to re-define who I am…not have my identity preset for me with the LC model of what pastor/administrator/whatever other hat I have worn in the past 5 years does…..but as a child of God. I will no longer have a ‘built in’ way to minister to people and I am sure I will be stretched in new ways. I think all of that is why I now really love Christine’s idea of leaving light behind where you have been and it  is so fresh in my mind. I will be in many different places than I have been…not surrounded daily by other Christians constantly (due to the nature of my job), but to reconnect more with the world and everyone in it.

I look forward to this year….I can’t help but feel there is something really big about to happen….a feeling of anticipation. I have many things to be excited for and I think that I will be able to jump in again ready to conquer the world with a fresh perspective.

Now for you….what things in your life are possibly keeping you from going wherever God is leading you? What will you do different in the next year?

The story behind the blog

http://www.lifechurch.tv/message-archive/watch/stop-acting-like-a-christian/2 

The last 4 minutes of this video is the one I reference in the “my world” page…the one that started the idea for this particular blog. It’s a simple message….but the story of her daughter intrigued me. Maybe because it came from a child. There is so much we can learn from children…simple truths that apply to everyone. I encourage you to listen to this message.